Tales Of A Chef : If it tastes like crepe with nutella, that's a bull's eye.

Tales Of A Chef : If it tastes like crepe with nutella, that's a bull's eye.

Author / Phil Kuria

Ni asante mama kwa uji asubuhiiiii….ii-ii-ii Nimewahi kuwahi eeh na sasa niko fiti Nairobi, maisha ya kulima siyo rahisi…iiii, ehh eh-eh laikini najua ni wengi wananingojea, nifike na mahindiiiiiii mahindiiiii…

Elani sang that song and I love listening to it as I scrub the backs of our sufurias. Normally, I stare outside through our kitchen window then start to think how comes Elani decided on such a song. And come to think of it, it makes sense. I am so certain the mahindi being talked about is the one that gets milled once therefore it produces a first class quality good of brown flour. The flour that sticks on the walls of your stomach like natural paint. Now if asked to choose which side to stand between white flour and brown maize flour, I’d definitely stand on the side of the brown one. -The Mahindiii. I have reasons why and one of them is not because it has the word ‘brown’ ati in a way that I’ll confuse it for Chris Brown. Na- dah!... Its because brown maize flour has the texture of an edible sand paper and it’s a good source of fibre. Plus who the hell confuses Chris brown na unga ya kisiagi? Tell me who? 

We have this manners at home where we sample maize flour after a bunch of maize has been milled. We achieve this by tasting its Ugali. If anyone loathes it, that’s it. We are done with it. We file a divorce and we don’t crave its ugali anymore. If it tastes like crepe pancake with nutella, that’s a bull’s eye. That’s how we know we found the one! Like in courtships before marriage...It takes a long time to wangle such a deep level of intimacy. To make you understand, when was the last time someone genuinely told you he/she loves you? How long did it take? Was it a stretch long enough to match the length of a Camel’s tripe? If your answer is No, then you’re yet to score our brown maize flour intimacy levels. See I’m not going anywhere with this. I don’t have anything to say so I won’t stretch my brains to write much. I’m here to tell you that the brown Ugali I tasted was the best so far. The best of the best is yet to come. My intuition tells me. We’ll keep our manners of tasting as a quest to discover the best brown maize flour. After that, we’ll open a company then supply to you guys.

And hey that wasn’t today. That was yesterday. We tasted some good brown maize flour. For today, today things are good. Brown Chapatti….. Again notice the word ‘brown’ appear severally ? Yes brown is the new norm. Switch to brown. Tomorrow at 10am is me on the window with the song mahindi.


Good work Elani! Good work!