Tales Of Chef :Midnight snack

Tales Of Chef :Midnight snack

Author / Phil 

If I had an Ethiopian girlfriend, I wouldn’t even love her like how I adore the comfort of duvets. A duvet’s presence and texture is imperative. Its like tea leaves in tea , or like the importance of mothers carrying their own knives to church wedding preparations. Mothers at times can be comical. They’ll ensure to have their own sufurias, full set, from the baby one to the giant one, then label them. So it doesn’t shock you to see borrowed sufurias in church events on top of jikos with initials inscribed on them. You’ll find the big one written J. M belonging to a mum called Jennifer Mwai. If it belonged to a born tao mum, it would be written Jenny or Jenni with very small and hidden letters hard to read. Inconspicuous. The legs of a guilty bed bug. But times have changed. Albeit we have a massive sufuria in our store that stays on the top most rack. I think it thinks its its room. {Hehe! my first ever written own tongue twister}.

    I say that because the pleasures of a white duvet can’t be compared to a beautiful chick. One because a beautiful chick originates from an egg. A duvet doesn’t. A duvet comes from fabric ,that means it was specifically made to shelter you. Imagine if duvets came in egg shells. They wouldn’t have yolks. If they did, their yolks would be pillows and they wouldn’t be yellow. And you know, yellow egg yolks are only achieved by countryside hens who eat sand.

 Two, a duvet doesn’t twerk. That means you’re pretty sure it will never record any video then mute you on status to it post. See the goodness of duvets? you better get one.

Under their pleasures lies another great pleasure, so cathartic and therapeutic .- The pleasure to watch a movie or a series. Beneath it, the pleasure to chomp on midnight snacks. The heart of my interest. At midnight, when you’re on episode 4 of Blood & water on Netflix or The love birds, your wish is to have a snack. Something like a big packet of salted potato chips with chilli & lime flavor, or a packet of garlic crackles. Others love nuts. Cashews or groundnuts.


   My preference is always potato chips and a glass of whiskey. With a chaser at the side. What I do is, I picture the life of Russian Mafias when they’re about to close deals, then I try to live movie nights like that, but with a woolen duvet. Russian Mafias always sip pints of either gin or whiskey. They don’t chase. Before they close deals on phone, they always pick nuts from a posh brown bowl that looks to have originated in Africa, then say “sdelka” to mean ‘deal’. The guy on the other end of the phone will then say “Acuerdo. Gracias” because he will always be Spanish and will always speak louder on loudspeaker. The Russian will then chuck a few nuts to his mouth then gnash hard with beautiful passion as he enjoys the sound of crushing nuts between his teeth.


 Movie nights with cousins or friends is different. If food isn’t involved, that means no Spanish Mafia will have the chance to say “Gracias”. That means a person like me won’t have the pleasure to enjoy a bag of potato chips. On such nights Netflix don’t report sales.We don’t watch their movies... I’ll give you a hack. For nights that you set specifically to watch movies, make sure your snack comes from potatoes. You can peel them and fry them as whole till they get crispy. Crispy than an eclaire’ s paper wrap. Then I want you to serve them with a bowl of wet minced meat and a dollop of tomato sauce. If that doesn’t appeal your ears, make fries. But my problem with fries is they’re messy. And bulky. You won’t enjoy a movie with your stomach heavy with fried farm produce from Kinangop. You need something lighter, so potato crisps or tortilla chips would make a perfect snack. 

 A good dip to serve with is guacamole. You pick a crisp from your big packet of chilli & lime then scoop a nice blob of guacs. If you have soda as your drink its okay. If you don’t its still okay. If you have a pint of gin or whiskey and you don’t have some nuts in a bowl then its not okay. I mean where will you get the joy to lift up your glass and chuck some nuts into your mouth when the movie ends then say “Gracias”?


Remember all this time you’re in socks and under a duvet. And because you read this, Gracias!