If you’re in love with a married man, you’re probably experiencing a lot of conflicting emotions right now.
Some of the time, you just can’t help but feel blissfully happy, because you’ve fallen in love.
But then you come crashing back down to reality and remember he’s married, and that it’s a very, very complicated situation.
And it’s made even more frustrating by the fact that you never set out to meet or fall in love with someone who’s already married.
You’ve just found yourself in this situation, and now you don’t know what to do.
Of course, no relationship between two people is ever quite the same as any other.
The relationship you have with this man and the relationship he has with his wife are both unique, and hard for anyone on the outside to understand, so it’s tough to give generic advice in situations like these.
But there are a few hard truths that you probably need to hear, whatever the circumstances you’re in.
After all, your current situation isn’t sustainable. I think we can all agree on that.
And if you’re reading this, you’re on the hunt for answers.
You’ve probably been given all the right advice by your friends and family (if you’ve told them), but it can sometimes be much easier to hear these things from a stranger than from someone you’re close to.
Something’s got to change, and it’s not going to be an easy ride.
Listen, this is a no-judgement zone – you didn’t intend to fall in love with a married man, but we can’t control our hearts. So what follows is not designed to make you feel bad about what happened, even if it does hit hard at times.
With that in mind, here is our advice on how you can take positive action and move forwards with your life.
1. You need to consider whether you can really trust him.
If a man that’s in a monogamous marriage is having an affair, there’s inevitably a lot of lying going on, so you already know he’s capable of deceit.
Did that lying extend to you? Did you know that he was married from the moment you met him, or did he lie to you about it?
The fact he’s lying to his wife is a red flag, but if he was trying to pull the wool over your eyes, then you need to accept that he’s definitely untrustworthy.
If he were to ever leave his wife for you, you have no guarantee that he wouldn’t do the same thing to you a few years down the line.
2. You might not be the first.
If he doesn’t seem to have any real intention of leaving his wife for you, you might not be the first ‘other woman.’
Or even the only other woman, although that would involve some serious organizational skills on his part. After all, it’s tough enough squeezing two relationships into a week.
No matter how special he makes you feel or how in love with this married man you are, you can never really know whether you’re just one in a long line.
3. You shouldn’t be sitting around waiting.
Think about your relationship with this man so far. I wouldn’t mind betting that it’s involved an awful lot of you waiting around for him.
You stay in, just in case he texts to say he’s managed to sneak away. You wait for him when he’s late for dates because he couldn’t find an excuse to leave.
You’re frittering your time away waiting for him to call, when you could be out there living.
4. You’re not his first priority.
No matter how much he might try to convince you otherwise, if you’re the other woman, you’re not number one on his priority list. His wife is, and, if he has children, they are.
5. The way he talks about his wife can tell you a lot.
Is he respectful when he talks about his wife? If not, how can you believe that he really and truly respects you, either?